"I’m never gonna wait that extra twenty minutes to text you back, and I’m never gonna play hard to get when I know your life has been hard enough already. When we all know everyone’s life has been hard enough already it’s hard to watch the game we make of love, like everyone’s playing checkers with their scars, saying checkmate whenever they get out without a broken heart. Just to be clear I don’t want to get out without a broken heart. I intend to leave this life so shattered there’s gonna have to be a thousand separate heavens for all of my flying parts."
Our LIVE comedy show, #NoFilter, is coming to BOSTON, NEW YORK CITY and WASHINGTON DC!
Literally, one of the funniest shows I’ve ever seen. Get your ticket now. You do NOT want to miss this.
This would have been the best birthday but instead of being in NYC watching ill pretend it’s them celebrating me
“I Can’t Remember Where I Put My Phone Two Seconds Ago But I Vividly Remember Every Embarrassing Thing I’ve Said Or Done Since 2008” a book written by me